What Say You, Furniture?
by NippaNippa123
Summary: YAOI! This takes place (kind of) in an AU. This is a dimension in which Umineko and Kuroshitsuji characters can meet and interact. Mostly this is a pairing of Ciel and Kanon while Sebastian is a bit of a third wheel. Since Kanon is Japanese he can't understand them, so yeah. Enjoy.
1. An Unlucky Acquaintance

Hello! So, here's the quick tutorial! It's told in Kanon's perspective, and he can't speak/understand english! **Bold = English** And that's about it, I believe.

Anyway, this is boyxboy(xboy), so if you don't like it, don't read it! A little backstory, this is in England (obviously) kind of as a before the first episode/first book of Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler. I do make fun of Sebastian because Kanon is rude no matter how you look at it. I also try to keep out of OOCness, but sometimes it doesn't work too well, so I hope you forgive me. I also hope you forgive my long sentences and repetitive words. If you wish to proceed after all that (and the fact that this is my OTT/OTP crossover), then I hope you enjoy!

* * *

I have no idea why, but the boy before me still had not ceased to point at me. I had no idea what he was speaking to Master Kinzo about, but the boy's butler was looking at me with an annoyingly amused face. Obviously, it was probably some English insult. Master then told me that he was going to speak to the boy alone and to wait with the butler in the hall. The two of them walked into a small room and closed the door. I was stuck with Mr. Creepy Smirk.

"You seem very bored. Are you alright serving such an old master at such a young age?" he asked me. I was surprised that he could speak Japanese when his own master had no idea. I decided to ignore him, but he came right next to me and patted my back so hard that I tripped forward. I looked at him and all he did was smile at me amusedly again. I returned with a glare and stood back up.

"Do not worry, I do not wish to harm or judge you," he chuckled. "My name is Sebastian Michaelis. What is yours?"

I hesitated for a while then turned to face him directly.

"Kanon"

"A strange name for a strange boy, hm?"

Now he proceeds to insult me? What kind of man could get such a job as head butler while being so rude? Apparently, Britain has no boundaries when it comes to servants.

When the two masters came out, Sebastian slowly started to appear serious. He walked to the boy and they started talking. Master came up to me and told me that he and the head of the family were going to have an exchange.

"The man standing by the head is an expert in demon summoning. Although the head said that he's never actually summoned one, he knows how to do so."

Either he was insane or I was hearing incorrectly. That the child Sebastian serves is actually the Earl of Phantomhive.

"I understand, sir," I started," but what do you mean by 'exchange'?"

"The head has taken an interest in you. He will let me use his butler's knowledge if I let you stay here for the remainder of the month."

"What?"

"I still have other furniture who can replace you for that time; even so, it took a bit of discussion. You will stay here."

"U-understood, sir."

Master then exchanged words with the earl and gave him a small book of romaji and English letterings. The boy flipped through it then told me "hello" and that his name was Ciel Phantomhive. I bowed to him, but before I could tell him my name, his butler did so.

Master Kinzo handed me my small bag of emergency clothing, told Mr. Michaelis to come, and they both left. The earl and I were completely alone. He called to me then motioned to follow him, which I did.

He led me through the enormous manor, using short phrases to tell me what each room was. When we came across the kitchen, he stopped and an explosion fazed into the hallway along with the sound of coughing. I looked inside once the smoke had subsided. A blonde-haired man with bristles was lighting a cigarette as he stood up mumbling something about a butler and punishment. When he saw me and the earl, he perked up and set his cigarette aside, smiling. He spoke with the earl a bit then looked at me cheerily before skimming the translation book he had been given.

"I am called Bardroy! Bard for small!"

I bowed to him then pointed to myself. "I am Kanon."

"**Booku wan? What?" **he replied. Then the boy told him my name. "Oh, Kanon!" Bardroy extended his hand to me, but I stood still. He frowned a little then grabbed my hand and moved it up and down. He and the earl talked again then they both looked at me confused. I wanted to speak to them, so I said the only English phrase I knew.

"**W-would you like your medicine, mistress?"**

Bard burst out in laughter as Ciel attempted to hold in his. The man then patted my back almost as hard as Sebastian had. It caused me to lose balance and tumble forward. Then he said, "**Mistress**," and shook his head. "**Young master**" then he nodded. I guess '**mistress**' is meant for females. He pointed to himself and stated "**chef.**" I nodded and the two spoke once more. Once they finished, Bard began to clean, and Ciel motioned for me to follow him again. We continued the tour and came across his maid and gardener. The meetings of both were similar to meeting Bard, only, in Meyrin's case, my cheeks were pinched while in Finnian's case, I was squeezed half to death.

The earl ended the tour in his bedroom, he wrote down times and romaji for what to do in the morning, afternoon, and evening then he tried to speak with me.

"Sebastian. . . come. . . three. . . days. . . it is okay," he managed to say while flipping through the translation book. I nodded to show my understanding though I thought that it was strange to exchange a butler to one party for three days and another for twenty-one.

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Um, so what do you think? I've already written this a while ago, but I was just too lazy to type it and upload it. Tell me what you think! It will get a bit more M in the next chapter. If you want to know about how I came up with this pairing, blame my Alois friend. We did a pretty weird crossover of Kanon and Alois (which is my super OTP now) a long while ago. She also got us both into this ship. Well, I guess I'm done. Bye bye!

Live on and fly to the Golden Land!


	2. Developed

It was nearing evening now, but the earl was still working. It has been two days since my coming here, and it is as if it were still my first. Though the earl had become accustomed to me, the other residents were still new to me, and the maid seemed to only be interested in smothering me. That is something I will never be familiar with. The gardener often tries to help me communicate with people, and I have learned new phrases and meanings of possible answers. The chef always tries to become familiar with me through touch. It is not pleasant. He pats my back roughly for greetings, ruffles my hair when he is happy, and rubs my shoulder for farewells. Occasionally, he taps my stomach which bothers me, but I am thinner than everyone excluding the earl.

My duties consist of aiding the earl in: waking, dressing, undressing, manners, eating, working, learning (every-so-often), bathing, and sleeping. I also bring him morning and afternoon tea. He is pleasant until someone arrives at the manor unexpectedly. Even I am teased when this occurs. I have been violated by both a Chinese man and a red-clad woman. The woman's butler was quite strange though.

I as well aid the other servants with their duties. Though, helping with some is more difficult than helping with others. Bard always tries to hurry and the end result is explosion, which means I have to apply my minuscule knowledge of cooking, so the young master may eat. Mey-rin and I do not have much contact while cleaning, but when we cross each other, she squishes my face and completely smothers me. I have no idea what she says to me either, but I have to fight my way out of her grasp. Helping Finny is probably the most ideal working time. All I have to do is make sure he is fulfilling his duties correctly. He talks to me through signs that we established with each other, and he is always looking out for me and the young master. Occasionally, I come across the old head butler. He understands Japanese, so we communicate well. He reminds me of Mr. Genji.

I looked at the time then knocked on the door to the study. Ciel responded, and I came in. He told me that he would take dinner in the study with his broken Japanese, and I nodded before taking my leave. Thinking about it, everyone has been starting to act very serious as of today. I returned with the earl's meal, but once I set it down, he said this would be the last day I would work.

"Sebastian. . . come. . . tomorrow."

"Yes"

What will I be doing for the next eighteen days here? And why did he want me here for so long? My thoughts were interrupted as I was grabbed by my arse which made me trip and fall to the side.

"**My, my, what wonderful reflexes! However, that was a tad rude, child." **A red-clad woman stood in the door way with her long-haired butler. I had no idea what she had said, but she seemed enthusiastic in all manner. I got up as she and the young master began to talk. After a while, he looked to me and pointed to the woman. "Aunt," he stated. I could not indicate if he meant 'aunt' or 'grandmother,' so I assumed the former. He shooed me away, so the woman's butler and I walked down the hallway to the servants' quarters. When we arrived, I was greeted by a flying hug that almost knocked me over again, and yet again, I was being smothered by the maid. Everyone was seated, and she invited me to sit by her in which I declined to sit between Finnian and Mr. Tanaka. They all chatted about many things that I was not aware of, so Finny and Mr. Tanaka assisted me with translation.

When enough time had passed, I excused myself to check on the young master and 'Madam Red.' She was leaving the study as I was entering, yet she patted my back lightly before leaving without much of a word. Ciel had finished eating, and I set his dishes onto their tray. We then proceeded to the bathroom where I washed and dressed him as I did on previous nights. When I took him to his room, he grabbed my neck and pulled me close to him. Then he touched our lips together, but moved away when I didn't react. He patted next to himself for me to sit.

"Sorry. . ."

"Why?"

He looked at me then sighed, flipped through the book, and turned back at me.

"Cute"

"Wh-what?!" He actually made me blush with that.

We sat there in silence until the earl broke it.

"Sleep. . . here. . ."

Before I could respond, he grabbed me, blew out my candle, and wrapped the both of us in his blankets. I believe he also tied me into some of his extras due to my lack of movement. I decided not to try and struggle against it, so I knocked off my beret and slowly fell asleep.

* * *

Sister, I seemed to have had quite an awkward awakening, for I was shaken up by the snickering Mr. Michaelis and yawning young master. However, that was not the half of it. When I looked to the side table, I saw my clothing neatly folded on top of it. I sat up and, as the blanket lifted off my upper body, my bare chest stood out in plain sight for all to see. Never in my life, had I been in such a predicament.

"Good morning"

My only response to the man was to cover myself, but Ciel uncovered me and shoved a scone in my mouth. He then smirked and went back to reading the paper. Mr. Michaelis handed me a translation book for English implying for me to learn to speak it. I didn't realize until then that I was the only one so scantily dressed. Ciel was wearing his day clothes, and there was no way of knowing if Mr. Michaelis ever changed into any different outfit. I did wish I was dressed though. The room was immensely cold.

"Do you wish to be washed and dressed?" the butler questioned with a hint of laughter.

I nodded, but I already regretted my decision. The man picked me up by my nude waist and carried me over his shoulder to the bathroom. On arrival, he nearly dropped me into the burning hot water. After I was scrubbed to death, Mr. Michaelis dressed me completely as he said.

We came back to the bedroom, and Ciel immediately came up to me. He brushed my cheek before pinching it tightly. "You. . . stay," he ordered. Then he and his butler excited the room, leaving me locked in.

* * *

-Wow, that took forever to come back to. It's not like many people really cared much about this one, but I still updated it! I have about four pages left before I have to start actually writing again. It sucks because this took up about three pages, but it's still so tiny! Gao!

Live on and fly to the Golden Land!


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